DEAN AND DAWES: Disasters From Down Under

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy “Dean” Gager

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Show notes

Guest: Karen Lee Roberts

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy Gager

1)     Meat For Tea https://meatfortea.com/ 

2)     Our Guest has a Dating Disaster LIVE show 

3)     Championship Celebrations (Knicks)

4)     Top 3 most listened to Dean and Dawes Episodes of 2026

5)     Man in the Keys, Jingle

6)     App Time –EXPECTATIONS APP

7) Listener Feedback---Dawes chemistry with guest?

Jackie Dawes is a Teacher, writer, ADHD survivor, Imposter …somewhere Ms. Kursman is laughing hysterically.

Timothy “Dean” Gager has published 20 books of fiction and poetry, which includes his latest novel, The Shadows of the Seen. He hosted the successful Dire Literary Series in Cambridge, MA from 2001 to 2018, and started a weekly virtual series in 2020. He has had over 1000 works of fiction and poetry published, 18 nominations for the Pushcart Prize. His work also has been nominated twice for a Massachusetts Book Award, The Best of the Web, The Best Small Fictions Anthology and has been read on National Public Radio. 

The 2 Deans produced by Timothy Gager

Theme song, Man in the Keys and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

If you want MERCH. Dean and Dawes Sweatshirts ($45), and t-shirts ($30)

 The 2 Deans produced by The Oddball Foundation

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Brian O'Neill here in beautiful Florida Keys, and you're listening to the two Deans, Dating, Dread, and Disasters. What I really want to ask you all is when's the last time you had a date in this town?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

The following podcast are the opinions and satire of Dean.

SPEAKER_05 0:16

And Dean. And maybe some truth.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And in no way represents the opinions. And lack of satire of anyone else but ourselves.

SPEAKER_05 0:26

But the people might be true. The story you're about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

One, two, three, four.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Three, two, one, you don't do it twice.

SPEAKER_05 1:03

We've counted down successfully into another episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Boom. Hi, Dean.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

Hi, how are you?

SPEAKER_02 1:11

I'm exhausted. How are you?

SPEAKER_05 1:13

I'm not. I was exhausted, but I took a nap, and that was great. I stayed up past my bedtime doing some reading and uh uh going to a reading, and that was awesome. It was a fun day, fun weekend.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Poetry?

SPEAKER_05 1:25

Yeah, it was a magazine release party for Meat for the magazine's meat for tea, and I got a so I drove an hour and a half to read for three minutes and then I drove home. You gotta support you people.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

It sounds very English.

SPEAKER_05 1:38

It it is. It was meat for tea, but it's it's not meat M-E-E-T, it's M-E-A-T, which I think is kind of clever.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

It's also kind of gross. I don't know if that's gross.

SPEAKER_05 1:49

Yeah, it's not a vegan magazine, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

I mean, I'm not a vegan, but for some reason I don't like I didn't like the band's name uh Meat Puppets either. I didn't I know I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:59

Well, I mean I always have an image with meat for tea that it's like there's some like piece of like roast beef that you're dipping in hot water.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah, so my getting some broth. My lovely English thoughts are all gone now. You can just take it away. It's all good.

SPEAKER_05 2:15

So later on the show, we've got a great guest who does a theater show called Dating Disasters, and she's going to tell us about the most incredible disasters that she's heard on her show.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

I wonder if they're all gonna be from the same place.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

I wonder if any of them are our guests. I don't I don't I don't think she has full permission.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

But they go on their but her show is on stage, is it not?

SPEAKER_05 2:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

So like this is a live performance where we're not well, I guess we shouldn't talk about it right now, never mind.

SPEAKER_05 2:44

Yeah, but the thing is very cool. She can invite, she can find any of our guests and just and no, and she can use them, she can harvest them.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Don't they have to fly over to where she is?

SPEAKER_05 2:55

Sure. And we're not gonna provide any of that. Like they could do that on their own.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Yeah, Singapore Airlines is the best one to take to get there. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 3:05

Maybe we we could get promotional, like maybe American Airlines can give us the promotional stuff, and then they can we can send them.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Alright. Why American Airlines?

SPEAKER_05 3:16

TWA?

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Do these airlines anymore, the ones you're talking about?

SPEAKER_05 3:20

Well, wait, it's a dating show. How about Virgin Airlines? Oh, but um all right, so we're gonna try to keep this. We're gonna truly try our hardest to get to the guests because our last We're gonna go, we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Let's go.

SPEAKER_05 3:32

What's for our last two shows ran 10 minutes longer than usual, than our usual 30 minutes. But we there's a spin to that, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:41

Right.

SPEAKER_05 3:42

They're getting a lot more 25% more show for free.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

So much quality, so much quality. We you're welcome.

SPEAKER_05 3:52

Yeah. And we're recording this on the 14th. People are gonna hear it on the 20th, but something really incredibly happened last night if you live in New York.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Something incredible happened last night?

SPEAKER_05 4:03

The Knicks won the basketball champion.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

Oh I knew that. And was he there? And were they booing at him? Wow, I shouldn't care about that. Never mind.

SPEAKER_05 4:14

Oh no, they booed him in the game they lost, but they won the championship. And that's cool. And like the way we celebrate wins and losses of championships in this country, basically they set New York City on fire.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

They did?

SPEAKER_05 4:30

Yeah, they set some buses on fire.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

I always thought that it's it's uh LA that does that. I mean, if you're always embarrassed when we win something, we we beat stuff up and it's Vancouver, every everything.

SPEAKER_05 4:41

But the and they smash police windows. So I think that we should just do that like more in life, right? So like say you have a like you have a great date and you leave her house and then you set her car on fire to celebrate.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Yeah, we celebrate with violence. That's turn the car over. It's a bad, bad plan.

SPEAKER_05 5:00

I mean, I remember when the Boston Bruins won the championship, I ran around my neighborhood trying to turn over cars by myself. It just didn't really work.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

I don't think you did. I don't think you did at all. I think you're lying.

SPEAKER_05 5:11

You ready for me to quiz you?

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Uh uh, I didn't know we had a quiz section, but yes.

SPEAKER_05 5:17

Here's a quiz.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

Alright, ready.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

All right, out of the shows from 2026, which are the three most listened to?

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Hmm. I get to guess.

SPEAKER_05 5:31

Yeah, you can guess.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Okay, there's there's that one that's everybody run. The homecoming queen's got a gun.

SPEAKER_05 5:38

Yes, number one, you got it.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

What? Okay, that one, that one was fun.

SPEAKER_05 5:46

That was Jen Bannon's when her her date ended up when she tried to break up with him and he pulled a gun.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

That is not a good that's not a good date at all. That is a disaster, but like I I really didn't know.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

He was 14 though.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

I didn't like the story. I didn't like the story. I don't think people should have access to guns when they're 14 years old. I don't like any of that. I didn't like the story. And now I'm gonna be sad that the reason why I got the most views is because when people are, you know, searching and googling, gun is a hot button word. Oh, that's that one. Awful! That's it.

SPEAKER_05 6:18

Unless it's the guy. Maybe maybe it's the guy that pulled the gun just wants to listen to it over and over again.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

There's that.

SPEAKER_05 6:26

There's that.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

All right, what's number two?

SPEAKER_05 6:29

Uh it's a tie.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 6:32

And uh one is the law of diminishing returns. Do you remember that episode?

SPEAKER_02 6:38

What's that one about?

SPEAKER_05 6:39

The law of diminishing returns is the one that um it was Torina Scott, and it was the one with the it was the one with the lap dance at the wake. And she ended up marrying him.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

That was a weird one, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:54

She ended up marrying him.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Well, good for her. And then aren't they divorced now?

SPEAKER_05 6:59

Yes, but they're they're great friends.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

They are great friends, and and it is an interesting, I mean, I've never heard of a lap dance at a wake. It is it's a it's unusual. All right, what's number what's the tie?

SPEAKER_05 7:13

Number three. And tied for number two. Wicker way did he go.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Oh, Brian! Dun dun dun dun.

SPEAKER_05 7:24

So Brian is, yeah, so Brian is there. And Brian always gives us feedback, but Brian loves our show, and we've actually, he's going to be our our man.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Man on the street.

SPEAKER_05 7:35

He's gonna be our man in um keys. Man in the keys.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Man in the keys. Oh, I'm jealous.

SPEAKER_05 7:41

And so we haven't gotten any questions for him yet. I keep saying, Do you got any questions for us? We haven't gotten the sound clips, but I asked to ask for tame daddies.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 7:54

To come up to come up with a new uh to come up with a uh an intro? Yeah, to come up with an intro that I can screw up and never play it right.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Oh, let's hear it. I know.

SPEAKER_05 8:05

So here's Brian, here's the man in the keys.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Let's go.

SPEAKER_05 8:08

Here's the man in the keys. Jingles. You ready?

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Ready.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

They have fun. Woo!

SPEAKER_05 8:31

I like that. I like that little.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

I think they had a good time making that for us. That was cool.

SPEAKER_05 8:35

Yeah. I mean, I don't know about accosting people is disease, but but the rest of it they had fun and it's kind of it sounds great. Can we do a poetic reading of it? He's the man of the keys. Man of the keys. Accosting people is the disease. The man of the keys. Will you answer all of his questions, please? The man of the keys. Thank you. It's a little flam poetry.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

It's a little Dr. Seuss, too.

SPEAKER_05 9:05

It is. Well, I mean, the Aspartame Daddies do some Dr. Seuss stuff, correct? I mean, isn't the app time no app time doesn't rhyme.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

No, app time does not rhyme. And it's I feel like that's from the Flintstones.

SPEAKER_05 9:18

Yeah, the AppTime is from the Flintstones. But I'm gonna show you that I can go two for two. Are you ready?

SPEAKER_02 9:26

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_05 9:28

Alright, so we're not gonna screw this one up at all.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

No, you got it right on the time. Done.

SPEAKER_05 9:36

The clip is Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

No!

SPEAKER_05 9:42

I did screw it up. That's our theme song. Alright. I thought it was good for once.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

This has become a serious problem for you.

SPEAKER_05 9:50

I know. I th I think I could get, you know, what is it? I think I might need some therapy or something like, you know, it's it's what's it called? I have a uh glitch.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

You have a mental block now that you feel that you mu it must go wrong.

SPEAKER_05 10:05

It was like it was like the the it's like baseball player Steve Blast that suddenly forgot how to throw strikes. I have a glitch.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

It's a glitch. Let's hear it. Come on.

SPEAKER_05 10:16

Alright, so so I'm I'm ready. Here it is. So here we go for app time. Here we go for app time. You want to know what app we got? You know what app we have?

SPEAKER_02 10:38

What's the app? Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_05 10:40

And this segment is all about us giving you ideas for fake apps. And you guys can develop it and make all the money you want.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

It's another gift. Another gift for the listeners.

SPEAKER_05 10:52

This is this is called the expectation app.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Oh. I like this. How does it go?

SPEAKER_05 10:59

And basically, you rate yourself what your expectations is for a great date. A great one.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

So rating my expectations?

SPEAKER_05 11:10

Yeah, so there is like like for for example, Jackie, if you go out on a date, what would for a great date, what would be included?

SPEAKER_02 11:21

A pretty view.

SPEAKER_05 11:22

Okay. Um does that include his face? Is his face a pretty view?

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Well, that would be lovely. I mean I don't know. The thing is, people tell me I don't I don't I know, but that's my taste and things. Oh, we didn't do listener feedback.

SPEAKER_05 11:37

Um we did not do listener feedback. Oh, do listener feedback real quick.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

You want to do that first or do you want to go into this expectation thing?

SPEAKER_05 11:42

Let's do the expectation thing since I've already screwed it up. I don't want to screw up everything.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

It would be great if I'm attracted to the human. That'd be wonderful. But I I mean I just like to be in an environment that feels cozy and nice and good. A pretty view is perfect. I would like either to be have a really great cup of coffee or a nice glass of wine. I don't know. These are all good things. And and and then to have something to talk about that feels like that there's chemistry. That's a great that would be a great day.

SPEAKER_05 12:13

Yeah, because the first two you can just do by yourself.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Exactly. But you asked me what a great day it would be. So, like if you know you're going on a date with somebody and they take you to a crowded restaurant and there's tons of noise and you can't hear what they're saying to you, and it doesn't matter what they look like, it's awful.

SPEAKER_05 12:31

Yeah. I mean, I think my requirements would be a good meal or fun event.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:38

Like, like anything that doesn't appear like an interview process, like, so uh tell me about your life. Do you have any brothers and sisters? Um you know, like because you know they can be and also all of the above that you said, but at the end of the date, both people would would like to give each other a kiss goodnight. It's because you like a kiss goodnight.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Oh, that's an expectation.

SPEAKER_05 13:03

To seal a deal. Like like it's a good date if that happens.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

I'm wondering if that's an expectation that I have to have.

SPEAKER_05 13:12

Yeah, so we would match. We would match that.

SPEAKER_02 13:15

Yeah, we I uh uh uh No, I I don't think I have to have that. I have to have a hope or an expectation to see the person again that feels gooey and yucky yummy.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

It doesn't have to be a kiss. Sometimes it can be, you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 13:30

Or maybe it's to to really anticipate it the next time.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Right. That feeling of ooey gooey. Oh, that was actually kind of good. That was kind of fun.

SPEAKER_05 13:39

Actually, you know what is almost better than that. If you don't kiss and then you get the text or later it says, I really wanted to kiss you. It's better.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you get that text a lot.

SPEAKER_05 13:53

So Oh, really?

SPEAKER_02 13:54

You gotta use it sparingly. Like when people you're like, you don't want to get it more than like you said that. I'm like, yeah, I've gotten that text a couple times. And that's sweet. It is sweet. But then now that if people are overusing it, it's gonna be like, oh yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_05 14:09

I I agree.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Sorry.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

So if people don't do that, people listening to the case. And especially if especially if it's like I really wanted to kiss you, but my breath smelled of garlic. That's not good. Oh no, that one wouldn't have been no, that's really kind of bad.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Uh that's gonna leave a bad taste in their mouth. Uh okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:35

We can do listener feedback because it's brief.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

All right, well then we gotta bring on our guests. Hurry it up. What did they say? What did they say?

SPEAKER_05 14:42

Uh really they love, people really loved the embarrassing mom disaster again with uh with the mom that brought all of the pads and tampons and gave all of our friends the illustration breaks.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was sorry, it was awful. That was a disaster.

SPEAKER_05 14:59

People thought it was a great show, though.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

Yeah, that was a fun show to do.

SPEAKER_05 15:04

And uh, we've got one the the the show this week's show actually dropped like an hour late, so it only dropped an hour before we came on tonight. So, but we have some um really brief ones. This has to do with Jade's episode, Lost Weekend.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:22

I think people understood like blacking out for part of a date, but how can you forget an entire weekend?

SPEAKER_02 15:30

I don't know. That does go to show exactly how I don't I don't I don't know. You're right. I've never forgotten an entire weekend. I mean, if you ask me about sometimes in my third grade, I might not remember kind of thing now with old age, but a weekend with somebody, and then a year later trying to sp date with trying to date them again, right? And not realizing what the connection is, that was an odd thing.

SPEAKER_05 15:52

But at the same time, I'm thinking to have a blackout go that long, amphetamines had to have been involved so that way you can keep going and keep tricking, keep the blackout going. Because, like, if you didn't have that for a whole weekend, you would actually wake up the next day. You wouldn't wake up in a black. I mean, I've got a lot of extra.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

We can ask him, we should we'll we'll ask him to come back on and let us know, dude. So what Oh, you know what?

SPEAKER_05 16:17

I really want to have a segment like that because we've never had a previously on Dean and Dawes, Date and Dread and Disaster. And we play a clip and then bring him back on.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Like, hey, part two, part two, we got some questions.

SPEAKER_05 16:28

A two-part episode.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

I like it. We'll work on it.

SPEAKER_05 16:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

Get ready, Jade. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 16:34

And the other one said, it seemed like you and Jackie, you and Jade had like really good chemistry.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Like that was that's funny you should say that because I explained. You thought so too? I no, I I I don't feel Kimmy. My friend saw a picture of him and she went, Oh dear god, he looks just like Rob. And that's my ex-boyfriend. And I don't think yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've known that guy since we were little, little, and my picture of him in my head is still he's still young. And even that's weird, probably because.

SPEAKER_05 17:11

Is he in a sandbox?

SPEAKER_02 17:13

He does no, but he doesn't I I see what she means. I saw the picture of Jade and went, oh my god, he does look like Rob. But I did not think he looked like Rob as much as like until I until she said it, I went, Oh, he does. He does.

SPEAKER_05 17:28

Could it have been Rob and you just blacked out the last 15 years?

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 17:33

You're in a blackout your entire relationship with him?

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Oh, I love Rob, but no, he would he would probably never come on the show because he does he listen?

SPEAKER_05 17:42

Does he know we're doing this?

SPEAKER_02 17:44

I don't know if he listens, but I know he thinks I yabber, yabber, yabber too much. Or is it jabber? But he would say, ick. Ugh, Jackie. I keep trying to tell him he should come on the show, but I don't think he's gonna do it.

SPEAKER_05 17:54

You aren't you kind of blocked though from talking to him? Is is Rob is Rob the one that like his current relationship just basically has like blocked you on his phone without him knowing it?

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Or just I know, I don't think that's not Rob. He she might have. Uh I I do not know. I know that she started a relationship with him the very day that he and I broke up, which is all very interesting.

SPEAKER_05 18:19

Yeah, we discussed that.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Yeah, I don't think he had anything, you know, we were a long distance relationship. So, you know, it's kind of tricky when you're 3,000 miles away. Uh very but I very much doubt that they've blocked me on things. I I don't think so. I don't know. But I do have other exes in my life, like the doctor. I'm pretty sure his ex, I mean his wife, keeps track of where I am and does not allow me to speak with that person. I don't want, I don't wish to speak with the narcissist, so that's okay.

SPEAKER_05 18:51

That's perfect.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

You know, we don't get Karen on here. We're talking too much. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 18:56

No, we're not. It's very entertainment. We're just our guests in the waiting room. We're gonna pause.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Oh, but they're very kind. We should bring them in. It's time, it's time.

SPEAKER_05 19:04

Okay, it is time. So our guest is Karen Lee Roberts, and um, we would love Karen Lee to talk a little bit about the show, but more importantly, about some of the disaster dates that people tell her on stage.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

So we're see, I want to know how that goes on stage. Come on in, Karen.

SPEAKER_05 19:23

Hi there, and it's uh it's 11 in the morning where she's at in Australia, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Yeah, the sun is shining, it's winter, but it's very warm here in Brisbane, Queensland. Lovely place to live.

SPEAKER_05 19:40

Oh maybe we can do our show on stage in Australia. That'd be fun.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Maybe we should come and visit. Yeah, that would be awesome. I would love it. And uh dating disasters is a verbatim um show about people's real life dating disaster experiences, and we hold a speed dating event before the show, and we have real life hookups, and we have a confessions booth where people reveal their dating disaster stories, and we then put them into the show.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

I'm coming to Australia. That sounds like so much fun. I want I've never done speed dating. That sounds like a great time.

SPEAKER_05 20:32

I mean, I did speed dating and didn't realize it. Someone told me that someone got up and left after seven minutes, but you know, what if you oh I just wonder if people our age actually do it.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Oh yeah, yeah, 55?

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Oh my god, I love that! variety of people coming to them, and um we tailor them also for the disability community and the LGBTQIA class communities as well. I love it, inclusive, great, yeah, very inclusive. So they're a lot of fun, and we've had genuine connections made at them as well, which has been fantastic.

SPEAKER_05 21:12

Turn disasters into soulmates.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Yeah, well, they tell us about their disasters, and then fabulous dates come out of the previous disasters, but we feature the disasters in the show because they make better material. But some of them have happy endings, some of them are can you get repeat offenders?

SPEAKER_05 21:38

In other words, they have a previous disaster and then they kind of get together because of your show, and then they have a disaster afterwards.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 21:49

Oh, for example, say like I tell you my disaster show, and then at the event, the the seven minute date, I meet someone at your event and go out on a date with them, and that turns into a Disaster. It's like second generation disasters.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

That would be very unfortunate. I don't think that that's that's been the case with any of the speed dating events that we've that we've had. We've had more successes than we have disasters with the speed dating events, but they've had plenty of disasters to tell us about prior to the speed dating events. And our show is coming up at Winham Fringe in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia on Sunday, the 5th of July at 4 p.m. Tuesday the 7th of July at 7.30 p.m. And Thursday the 9th of July at 7.30 p.m. Tickets at Winham Fringe um website.

SPEAKER_05 22:57

Very cool.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

All of our Australian deans have to head out there.

SPEAKER_05 23:01

Or our Aussie Deans. So tell us tell us some of the worst or funniest disasters that you you received from people.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

So one that was pretty bad was um crap date Louise. Um I went on a romantic weekend away with a guy I was dating. Um I paid for the weekend and we had a lovely time and left the Airbnb to have breakfast and handed in the key. We had had breakfast and started for home on the 90-minute drive, and he said he needed to go park over and use a public toilet. And he said then he would refuse to pull over and use the public toilet because he didn't like to use public toilets. And then he drove erratically and dangerously all the way home, and I didn't feel safe or happy about that. When they got home, instead of rushing inside to use the toilet, he insisted on helping me with the backs. And then he spent ages in the ensuite only for me to discover that he had cracked himself on the drive home by pulling over and using a toilet.

SPEAKER_05 24:36

Oh, that's a bad choice.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Oh, that's a disaster. Terrible, terrible way to end the romantic weekend away.

SPEAKER_05 24:46

Let me get your coloscomy bag. Let me carry that.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Big old, big old mess. Terrible.

SPEAKER_05 24:52

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

Yikes.

SPEAKER_05 24:56

Okay. You had another one for us, Karen?

SPEAKER_01 24:58

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_05 24:59

That's a smelly one.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Nearly involved, said.

SPEAKER_05 25:06

Nearly involved. Actually, just in case anyone, hold on, in case anyone's confused, these are not Karen's dates. These are submitted to her.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

She's acting them out. Right, right. She's explaining them. These are all stories that we have gathered from audience from either speed dating members or from our surveys that we put up. There's a link on my website that says tell us your dating disaster stories, and people can um fill in the form and they all anonymously feature in the show. Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_05 25:45

All right.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

I walked up to her door and heard a heated discussion. When she opened the door, there was a fellow in her house and he looked really annoyed. I just smiled and asked if she was ready to go. And I left immediately. I don't fraternize with other people's wives.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

Oh surprise.

SPEAKER_05 26:14

That was that was similar to one we had earlier in season one. That um they but they'd already fooled around, and uh she sent him out for Chinese food. And when he came back with the Chinese food, the husband was home. We had no idea there was a husband there at all.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

Oh my god. This is great, though. So they send you the stories anonymously, and then when they come to watch, they might see you perform the disaster, correct?

SPEAKER_01 26:40

That's how we advertise it. Send them called anonymous standing disaster stories, and they could very well feature in the show. Got it. And you may see them on stage come to life on stage.

SPEAKER_05 26:55

Do you have another one for us?

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Ooh, one more disaster. I do have another one. Um Stacey51 said, Um, I met a man online and he loved bomb to me so fast, telling me he loved me and staying over at my place all the time. He called me when I was in New Zealand and at my sister's funeral, saying he missed me and promising to pick me up in his BMW when I got back. He picked me up in a rundown car, and I couldn't understand why it wasn't the BMW as promised. One night when I came over, when he came over, he got the train, and he told me after a few hours that he needed to head down to his construction site on the Gold Coast because there had been an incident. He asked if he could take my car, a Jeep, and offered me his watch. What was suspicious and said, No, I had promised it to my friend, and he would have to get the train back. Then it clicked that that's why he had so many different cars. He was scamming women out of them, and they never heard back from him again.

SPEAKER_05 28:11

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

Awful. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 28:16

Yeah, we're not gonna advise our listeners to do that to make extra money.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

That's so devious.

SPEAKER_05 28:23

So if you don't develop an app, there's a way you can get a car.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Oh no. Awful. That is awful.

SPEAKER_05 28:33

Wow. I want to hear one more. This will be the last one.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

You got one more in there?

SPEAKER_05 28:38

We're gonna keep Karen here until it's nighttime and more, Karen.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

One more, Karen, one more.

SPEAKER_05 28:43

Well, actually, what I I would love if Karen could do some cross some crosstalk with our show that anyone that wants to tell their story after you've told on stage, they can appear on our show at 10 in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Yeah. In the future, that's right. See, I've got someone else who wants to hear this.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

Um one more.

SPEAKER_05 29:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Um Gerard tells the story of he met a guy called Fred who had a foot fetish. So wanting to be prepared, he went to one of those fancy foot stars where the fish eat all the dead skin off your fish and late file your heels and clip your toenails.

SPEAKER_05 29:32

He was making his feet more attractive.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Yeah, but these places are pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Okay. So he was ready and he went down on the date and they had dinner, and then they went back to his place and they got down to brass tacks. And when he took his feet, his shoes off and his feet out, Fred was horrified. He wanted Gerard's feet to be dirty and grimy and scummy and filthy. That was his foot fetish. He was so disgusted, he stalled out. He was gonna put dirty feet in his mouth. Yeah. The thrill got smacked.

SPEAKER_05 30:20

The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

Gerard went back to the foot spa because he liked it so much. And the lady said, How did your date turn out? And he said, Not as I'd planned, but still, I'm back.

SPEAKER_05 30:39

Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Awful. That is so awful. I hope he didn't kiss that man. If that man has been going around kissing dirty feet. I know. Oh my gosh. Well, at least he's got a new place for pedicures.

SPEAKER_05 30:54

Uh yeah. I mean, obviously he didn't have a Jesus fetish. He could have washed the feet and then oiled it. Like it didn't work out that way.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

The washing of the feet.

SPEAKER_05 31:02

The washing of the feet.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Yeah, this is not that same kind of fetish.

SPEAKER_05 31:07

So if you want more information, just Google Karen Lee Roberts Dating Disasters. I'm sure you'll a lot of great stuff will come. She's a very interesting woman with a very interesting theater show. We are very, very happy to have her and the showleeroberts.com can also tell you stuff. Karen Lee Roberts.com in the first week of July in Australia. So you people in the United States, you got time to make travel plans.

unknown 31:32

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

You do? You can fly over and see me. And Queensland is a lovely place to visit.

SPEAKER_05 31:39

But you better wash your feet. You better wash your feet.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

I want to do the speed dating in Australia.

SPEAKER_05 31:45

You better wash your feet. And you'd better use the bathroom before you go to Karen's show.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

Oh Tim.

SPEAKER_05 31:53

It's true. I wonder if the I wonder if the fourth guy would have liked the first guy if he was dirty like that.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Well, I don't think they have the same orientation, so I don't know that it would have worked out as well.

SPEAKER_05 32:07

No, not at all. Not at all.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

It might have been different, but you never know. You never know.

SPEAKER_05 32:13

Never mind.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

That's exciting. Dirty feet.

SPEAKER_05 32:17

Well, I guess we have to say good morning to Karen to Karen. Good morning, Karen.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Thank you for staying on our show and visiting us.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Thank you for having me, Timothy and Jackie. It's so wonderful to be with you over there.

SPEAKER_05 32:32

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 32:35

So so in our in our we had a a string of having a tough time getting guests.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

We did, but we've gotten over that. We've had a lot of people reach out.

SPEAKER_05 32:47

And we had so I found Karen just I put in the word dating disasters in the search for on Facebook, and a whole bunch of people that have had bad dates or maybe had shows that didn't work out. I messaged a few and Karen responded, and we got Karen, which is a good catch.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

You know, it's funny, people will tell me they want to do the show, but then they're just like, but but somebody might hear about it, and they get so nervous. I want to give you props, Tim, because earlier Karen used the phrase happy ending, and you did not make an inappropriate comment. I am so proud of you. Yeah, I'm trying to get on your mother's side. Here it comes. Here it comes. He's gonna say trying to get on your mom's good side. Good job. Good job.

SPEAKER_05 33:32

I don't know if that I don't know if that's a proper phrase in Australia.

SPEAKER_02 33:35

If they have the phrase, she probably doesn't know what happy endings are. She says yes, she's okay. She knows what that is. The minute she used the phrase, I went, oh no. She's thinking of a story happy ending, and I just don't know what Tim's gonna say.

SPEAKER_05 33:50

No, I I I you know I refrained. You know, it's great.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

I'm so proud of you.

SPEAKER_05 33:54

It's d even though it's Monday morning in Australia, it's it's Sunday, it's the day of the Lord here, so I'd rather not I've made a few religious uh references today, Tim.

SPEAKER_02 34:03

Are you feeling are you feeling some kind of spiritual thing?

SPEAKER_05 34:08

Uh you know what? I've had some weird signs all week, so I've I've uh had you know little spiritual stuff. A little spiritual stuff going on. Alright. Someone left a note on my in my in my car about Jesus, and I passed by G and I actually I went to I went to a spiritual um expert this week just to kind of talk about the higher power and stuff. It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 34:33

Oh, that's very nice. I don't I don't what did you call them? A spiritual expert?

SPEAKER_05 34:37

A spiritual expert. And because of that blessing, I did not make a happy ending joke. Thank you, God. Thank you, Lord.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

Wait a minute. I always think of I always think of spiritual experts actually very opposite end of the spectrum of of religion.

SPEAKER_05 34:53

It's a miracle. People are traveling the country to my house and and saying the word, they you know, this story has a happy ending and they're waiting for me. And then when I don't say anything, it's a miracle. It's like finding Jesus in the toast.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

It was a miracle. You just make an inappropriate joke. I was giving you props. I was giving you props. I didn't know you'd have a spiritual awakening this week, and that now you will no longer make inappropriate comments. So I'm I am pleased and excited to see the new um the moral, the new me. The new dean. Yeah, let's see how this goes. I'll make all the inappropriate jokes.

SPEAKER_05 35:31

All right, you do it.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

So boring if I do.

SPEAKER_05 35:33

You do all the inappropriate jokes, and then I will just be like, and I'll and I'll be like, oh no. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Oh no. That was perfect. You did me great. That's perfect.

SPEAKER_05 35:46

All right. Well, I think this show has come down to a happy ending.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

I think we've come to our happy ending.

SPEAKER_05 35:51

So we'll see you next, we'll see you next week. Same bad time, and we'll the show drops every Sunday. So thanks for listening and thanks for downloading. And make sure that you'd love to be a guest, we'd love to have you. So we'll check the show notes for the email addresses, and uh we'll see you soon. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

See you later.