DEAN AND DAWES: Lisa Rockwell Returns!

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy “Dean” Gager

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Show notes

Guest: LISA ROCKWELL

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy Gager

1)  Facebook Date Update with Dawes

2)  Listening Feedback: More geography issues?

3) APP TIME FAKE APP: Universal App

4) Lisa Rockwell: 1) Doctor Date 2) Here Kitty Kityy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNK5KzI48mM&list=RDQNK5KzI48mM&start_radio=1

Jackie Dawes is a Teacher, writer, ADHD survivor, Imposter …somewhere Ms. Kursman is laughing hysterically.

Timothy “Dean” Gager has published 20 books of fiction and poetry, which includes his latest novel, The Shadows of the Seen, forthcoming with Pierian Springs Press in 2025. He hosted the successful Dire Literary Series in Cambridge, MA from 2001 to 2018, and started a weekly virtual series in 2020. He has had over 1000 works of fiction and poetry published, 18 nominations for the Pushcart Prize. His work also has been nominated twice for a Massachusetts Book Award, The Best of the Web, The Best Small Fictions Anthology and has been read on National Public Radio. 

 The 2 Deans produced by Timothy Gager

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

If you want MERCH. Dean and Dawes Sweatshirts ($45), and t-shirts ($30)

 The 2 Deans produced by The Oddball Foundation

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Brian O'Neill here, beautiful Florida Keys, and you're listening to the two Deans, Dating, Dread, and Disasters. What I really want to ask you all is when's the last time you had a date in this town?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

The calling podcast are the opinions and satire of Dean.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

And Dean. And maybe some truth.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And in no way represents the opinions.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

And lack of satire.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Of anyone else but ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

But the people might be true. The story you're about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Well, guess what? What? We've got our very first guest to do a reprieve. So Lisa Rockwell is coming in.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

Oh my gosh, is she gonna tell us the same story?

SPEAKER_02 1:11

She's gonna tell us two different stories, maybe, if we have time.

SPEAKER_04 1:14

So, like this is the original dating disaster.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

It is. It's like a good, it's like a fine wine. We'll keep bringing it back. Okay. We have a whole bunch of things.

SPEAKER_04 1:22

All right, Lisa Rockwell, it is. All right. What else do we got coming up?

SPEAKER_02 1:26

What else we got is we had uh our guest last week, if you've listened to it, the episode last week. Um Pat's story about her eye going sideways. She like messaged, she messaged you and asked if it was too sad.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

Oh, yeah, she's so sweet. I love her. And she was like, wait, I'm sorry if my story was too sad.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

It wasn't sad at all. In fact, I mean, she was she was on a Seinfeld episode, so that's almost a Seinfeld episode, like the date with the eye that goes to the side.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

She's also naturally incredibly funny. She's a very funny storyteller, and and yeah, so So yeah, it's a funny story.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Maybe the info is sad, but the story was funny.

SPEAKER_04 2:04

You gotta laugh. You gotta laugh. I mean, honestly, yeah, I'm kind of dealing with the same eye thing right now myself, so that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

So we'll use that. Can we use that for the video clip teaser? Your eye going No, don't you dare.

SPEAKER_04 2:15

That's why I put these dark glasses on because I don't want to wish to make fun of my funny eye.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Well, I don't think your eyes are that funny because you didn't even sign up for Facebook dating. And you know, we're gonna do an update about Gil who's been messaging you, and you you actually messaged these people back.

SPEAKER_04 2:32

No, I didn't, I did not, I I did message Gil back one time, but I've I haven't answered back since then. But I I did try, I I answered another person because I do this podcast with you, so I feel like I have to try. Yes. Um I didn't force people. I have an update for that. Do you want me to give you the update now?

SPEAKER_02 2:49

I just like how I force people into bad dates. Bad dates.

SPEAKER_04 2:52

No, I have not I have not gone on a date with these people. You told me they were all robots.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

They're not robots, apparently. So tell me So tell me about the brief contact you have.

SPEAKER_04 3:02

Alright, so here's what happened. So I get matches on this Facebook dating thing, but I am not signed up for Facebook dating, so I don't know how it happened.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

Sounds like bullshit to me.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

That's what you said, right? So I responded to one, and the guy started answering me in like real time as if a human. And and and then he said, I'm glad you checked in. We live close to each other. And then he said something about the dog and my picks, but there are no dogs in my pics. So I feel like there might be uh uh an imposter of me somewhere who's on a dating app, but I'm somehow getting uh the connections, but no, I'm I got a new two new ones. I have Andy, well no, Andy might be old, Steve, this guy Steve, and George. And Steve, because you told me.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Yeah, Steve, go for it, Steve.

SPEAKER_04 3:45

I said hi Steve, because you told me to last time. And and I said and then he put the next answer though was would you care to talk sometime? That's very fast.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Talking talking is fast. What happens if we run into the water?

SPEAKER_04 4:00

If I met them in like Trader Joe's or something, I don't know. So it said, Would you like to talk sometime? But I used your words.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

So if you're in Trader Joe's and someone bumps into you and they're like, hi, beautiful, you're like, not yet.

SPEAKER_04 4:11

Don't talk about it. Beautiful, I'd say, not yet. I'd say, ah, gross. Why would they say that? So mystery woman.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Hey, can we talk? Not yet.

SPEAKER_04 4:19

No, I wouldn't like that either. May I have to say, hey, have you ever tried this kind of whatever Trader Joe's food they were holding? Then I'd be like, oh no, I've never tried that. Whatever that was. There has to be something like a natural unfolding there. I don't know. But I did what you said. That's not natural at all.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

Excuse me. What do you think about those potato stuffed tacos?

SPEAKER_04 4:39

Hey, do you know how to pick out a proper melon? Um, okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Oh, that's got that's from something.

SPEAKER_04 4:46

That's from something, but I don't remember what. So sure, I answered him. Sure. I'm told the people on this app thing are not actually real humans. I'm not sure what to ask you. What question? Because he said something about questions. I said, I don't know what question I can ask you so that you can prove you're not a robot. Because I just thought that he was.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

And then he said, AI robots know how to answer that, by the way.

SPEAKER_04 5:06

But then he answered me and said, here's my cell phone number. I'm not a bot.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Can I have the number? I'll call him.

SPEAKER_04 5:14

That's very aggressive. Now I have his cell phone number. Why do people 626? I'm not giving you his number.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

We can tell he's not a bot if all of our listeners are.

SPEAKER_04 5:26

And you know what's funny? What's really funny though is that he's a doctor. And since anybody I know, right? How do all these doctors how do all these doctors show up in my life? I don't know. But anyhow, um, I I haven't that was it. That was it for me. I haven't talked, I haven't answered back. That was very aggressive giving me his phone number.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

Well, since uh Lisa Rockwell's got a couple of stories, should we jump into listener feedback?

SPEAKER_04 5:51

We gotta jump to the next thing. What is it?

SPEAKER_02 5:53

Listener feedback.

SPEAKER_04 5:55

Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Listener feedback, Mira, the the reluctant bondage person was a delight. People love that episode. The episode was amazing.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

She was lovely. I liked that. I love that episode too. She her story was hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Yes, it was.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

And that guy, that actor, was actually in the bar at one point in time.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Yeah, Tarantino.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

There it is. Damn, it's not easy.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

It was okay. And also karaoke versus slam poetry for a date. People the response was, I would rather poke my eye out with a pen than do either of those. Slam poetry, yelling, moving my hands.

SPEAKER_04 6:40

And then singing. Oh no. Alright, well, slam poetry would be your thing. Singing bad songs would be my thing. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

And we also got more more feedback about our ineptitude about geography.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

More feedback about our geography problems? What now?

SPEAKER_02 7:02

Because when I was talking, when we were talking about the misogynist kicker from the Kansas City Chiefs.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

You said you mentioned that it was in Kansas, and Kansas City Chiefs are in Missouri. People were very intent listening to the channel.

SPEAKER_04 7:19

You know, it is true. People who are from the coast kind of mesh the middle together. Well, here's the thing. It's not nice. It's not right.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Kansas City Chiefs in Missouri are actually building a new stadium that's gonna be in Kansas. So that guy's missed F off.

SPEAKER_04 7:32

Okay, so we're not that far off.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Not at all. It's just a border thing.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

Dude, I know that they have like red on their jerseys. Does that count?

SPEAKER_02 7:41

There we go. That does count.

SPEAKER_04 7:42

No, they're gonna say no, that's not geography. That is not geography.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

Alright, are we ready for our regular feature?

SPEAKER_04 7:50

I think so.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Because I'm not. Every time I you know what? Like I get it set up, and this is my sob story. I get it set up, and by the time we're ready to do app time, the phone just messes up. Like it goes back to the beginning.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

Yes and then you have to reopen it.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

So I kind of need, I think I kinda need like a little bit better system. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_04 8:18

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Oh yeah, that's the warm-up.

SPEAKER_04 8:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

Here we are. You ready?

SPEAKER_04 8:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

Here is the app.

SPEAKER_04 8:38

Alright, let's hear it.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Everyone can make money. So do you know how you there's a universal remote?

SPEAKER_04 8:45

Yes, I do know how there's a universal remote.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

So this is involves a little bit of piracy, a little bit of computer hacking.

SPEAKER_05 8:54

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

But it's called, you're right, this is takes a lot of developmental skills, right? It's called the universal app, and what it does is it hooks you into all of the dating apps at once.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

Oh, like uh okay. So, like, you know how you can pay certain apps to like push out your content on it's going on Insta, it's going on TikTok, it's going here, and they just push all your content to all the different social media sites. This is going to take your one profile and push you out to all the other.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

No, it's the other way around. It's even more sneaky. You pay us for this app, and you can see every profile on every app. You can see every other profile. We're pirating.

SPEAKER_04 9:38

Oh, it should be called hack hacktime. Hacktime. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

I I like it. We can make a lot of money because people like that dark. We can we can advertise on the dark web.

SPEAKER_04 9:50

Yeah, but okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

You don't like it. You don't like anything that's like, well, no, I like a lot of your apps.

SPEAKER_04 9:57

Here's my thinking. Triggering you're you're you're meeting somebody who also would break the rules and like that too, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Like no, no, they don't know where you're coming from. Well, look, here, so say we bump into like match.com. Like and you respond to that person, and it looks like it's coming from match.com.

SPEAKER_04 10:18

It's a lot of like stealing cable, right? Kind of exactly.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

That's what it is. It's a lot of work, but it I can see the money would be like, why would you join any other app when you can have a couple of things?

SPEAKER_04 10:27

But would you date, but would you want to date someone who steals cable?

SPEAKER_02 10:32

If I can hang out with them on what do we have to explain to our listeners what stealing cable is?

SPEAKER_04 10:38

I want to know what this ethical, like, am I gonna let this is a person who's gonna be able to do it? Would you hang out with someone?

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Would you hang out with somebody that gives you their Hulu or Netflix password?

SPEAKER_04 10:49

I give out all my passwords all the time.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

So there you go. So you're doing so they're stealing cable.

SPEAKER_04 10:54

Yeah, I steal cable. Damn.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

You still streaming.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

People who steal Wi-Fi and all of that stuff, yeah. Alright, alright, okay. It's not a bad idea. I like the idea. I liked the idea that I only have to make my profile once and somebody else will send it out to all the sites. But I also like the idea of getting all the expensive matches for free.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

Yeah, being on all of the sites is expensive.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

Well, I I I would not know. I I do like to match with people, but I do not like to rent then talk to them.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

You don't like to talk to them. Yeah, match the most exciting part about the match is not a lot of people.

SPEAKER_04 11:30

I need them to just go to Trader Joe's. That's all. Just go to Trader Joe's.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Go to Trader Joe's and be like, it's too early to talk to you.

SPEAKER_04 11:37

No, it's too early. Just ask me a question about something good.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

So we're gonna bring we're gonna bring on our guests.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

Okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

So all the so all of the listen we we want listener feedback. Did we go? Did we cut our segment too short? Was it that good or bad? So we're gonna ask.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

I think we went really fast today, didn't we?

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Yeah, and they can log in, they can email us, they can they can now do a talk response, they can leave us a voicemail, they can leave us around.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

They can leave us a voicemail, they can email us, they can text us. It's all it's all there for them.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

So Lisa Rockwell.

SPEAKER_04 12:10

Come on in.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Hi, hi Lisa!

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Hi. How are you doing? I'm doing good. I'm listening to you guys talk about doctors, and I'm like, how did she know that my story is gonna entail an interaction with a doctor?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

No, you're not gonna do that one. Ah, not not the not the you're gonna need to do that.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

No, not that one. It's another doctor.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

Oh, you have a doctor problem too.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

Meeters with a plumber.

SPEAKER_04 12:45

That's good. That's much better.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Yeah, I like the plumber better than the doctors.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

Yeah, yeah. I'm I'm I'm agreeing with that.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

And in this day and age, there's a it's a lot more lucrative than doctors that all they make a lot more money. Yes. So I'm wondering like someone that does, it's almost the same skills to do a colonoscopy as it is to like rotor root or like a sink. It's the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

I mean, it it it must be, not that we really know, nor that do I ever want to know about how to do a colonoscopy on somebody.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

That could be an app time.

SPEAKER_04 13:19

I do feel like both of those jobs are unpleasant. Yes, and but both jobs make a lot of money because no one wants to do them. So, yeah, there's a lot to be said about that. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

All right, so tell us about your date. Uh, and this was a doctor, doctor took you out to the movies or something?

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Yeah, so I was talking to this. I got um one of my friends um said that she knew this guy and he was really nice, and she asked me if I wanted to get fixed up, and she was a doctor, so okay. Um, she said he it was somebody that she didn't know well, but she he had a great great reputation. We talked on the phone for a while because when I I remember when I started talking to him, he was um on call that week, so he didn't want to go out that week, he wanted to go out the following week. So we literally talked um the whole week before the date, which, as you all know, is just a kiss of death.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Because if you like that to talk about, I do have to say this is before apps, and that's what people do in apps. This is way before apps, and so so that is the kiss of death.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

Yeah, you either were gonna talk on the phone or you were gonna do AOL Messenger. That's what that's where this date came from. Mid 90s. It's not yeah, it's not that far back, but yeah, actually, yeah, the end of the 90s. So you've got dates.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

You've got dates.

SPEAKER_03 14:42

So um finally we decided we're gonna meet, and he picks me up at my uh uh he picked me up at my uh apartment at the time. And we I thought, oh, you know, he seems nice, whatever. Um, I was kind of skeptical because at that point I had gone on so many dates, so I was like, yeah, whatever, we'll see how this goes. I had no expectations, right? So we he said, Do you want to go to the movies? Which I also thought was really strange on a first date. I've never gone on a first date to the movies because how do you get to know somebody? It was kind of weird.

SPEAKER_04 15:18

You're right. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

Then I thought, no offense to all you doctors out there, but I did think to myself, well, you know, sometimes doctors don't have like the most social um skills. Maybe he's nervous. Maybe he's nervous and he wanted to take me to the to the movie. But you know what the answer to that is? Wrong answer. That was not right. So he went and he got a huge popcorn and a tree.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

Was he sharing the popcorn?

SPEAKER_03 15:46

He offered me some. I didn't want any.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

And um that's a really good offer of popcorn.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

And he got the big one, you know, with okay, and then he put the butter, you know, the butter, the whole thing. He was it real butter or was it that real it was that squishy butter that you used to sell real butter at the do in some of the theaters I go to, yes.

SPEAKER_04 16:08

Not back then they didn't.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

So we sat down, and I don't I wish I remembered the movie because then it would traumatize me till this day. But anyway, um, I sat down at the movie and we were talking a little bit, and then the movie started, and I thought he was um you know eating his popcorn, and then I thought he was grabbing from my hand, like to be cute. What happened was he was masturbating underneath his popcorn and said, Do you do you want to touch it? Oh I thought I wanted to die.

SPEAKER_04 16:47

Well, I mean doctors, they really think they're worth it.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Wow, I rely on all my senses. So when he was doing that, was the popcorn jiggling around like making noise?

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Yes, and then I was so inclined to watch the movie because you know that's what I like to do in the movie theaters.

SPEAKER_04 17:05

Wait, so wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, first of all, it wasn't through the popcorn.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

No, it was underneath the popcorn. It looked like he was eating the popcorn because it was the popcorn was moving, the popcorn would be like juggling up, right?

SPEAKER_04 17:16

I mean, it would be moving.

SPEAKER_03 17:18

Well, I don't know if he was I don't know if he was actively doing it, but he was definitely playing around down there.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

So if he gets really excited, the popcorn is gonna explode out of the top of the box.

SPEAKER_04 17:29

Well, even his hand movement would have things moving, but okay, so he was just trying to get you to do it.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Hold on a second. Hold on a sec. We we can't we can we just can't leave this one alone here. I'm wondering if the fake butter made the masturbation better or not.

SPEAKER_04 17:46

Oh yeah. Well, I mean Yeah, but she's saying he's trying to get her to do it.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Okay, so it wasn't as my hand. Right. Was like, and I thought he was trying to be cute. Right. Um, I don't remember him having soggy butter hands, though. But anyway, maybe it was the other hand that was eating. Sorry, Tim. No, I hope it's butter. Yeah, sorry about your theory, but anyway, uh, I was so horrified. I went, what the fuck are you doing? Oh my god. And then I went, put it back in your pants.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Oh no. And was it a crowded theater?

SPEAKER_04 18:23

On the first date, this is a little bit much on the first date.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

And I was thinking to myself, I was thinking to myself, should I just leave? Because this guy's such a creep. I might as well just go.

SPEAKER_04 18:36

But um had you met him there or did he drive you?

SPEAKER_03 18:40

No, he drove there. I was stuck there because he had, you know, drove us to the movies. So I was really, I was really not knowing what to do with myself. I I really was just I was just so horrified. Like, of course this is gonna be, of course, this is gonna be another one of these kind of dates where this guy's a creep.

SPEAKER_04 19:01

Yeah, that's a creepy thing to do. I think.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

That's the most creepy thing I've ever heard of.

SPEAKER_04 19:06

Because were your conversations, were they sexual? Were there's was there a lot of innuendo when you guys were talking? Because you said you had a lot of conversation problems. But not to the point of I want to take my hand down from the movie theater, not sexual, not again.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

But then we walked out of the movie theater and I was like, so um, about what happened in the movie theater? And he kind of looked at me and I was like, Yeah, that took me aback. And he was like, Oh, I'm sorry it offended you. Do you want to come over? And then I got so nervous because he had to drive me back. So you know, needless to say, the two of those don't go together.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

I'm sorry I offended you. Do you want to come over?

SPEAKER_04 19:54

Right. Yeah, but that's okay. So, needless to say, he did he what happened?

SPEAKER_03 19:58

We got we got to his house. I took, I obviously went, I went in his car.

SPEAKER_04 20:03

We got to his house. Okay, he's sorry.

SPEAKER_02 20:07

Were there popcorn boxes everywhere?

SPEAKER_03 20:10

And well, he he said he had to whatever do something. I don't even remember what. And then he said, Do you want to stay here or do you want to go me to take you home? And I said, Um, I'd rather you take me home. So on the thing, nobody talked on the way home. And then he said, and then when we got home, he said, So I'm assuming we're not gonna have a second date. And I went, You assumed right. And I go, Yeah, I think you should have put I can't imagine you went to his house. That's that's what I'm doing. I did say one thing to him that I thought was fun. I said, Um, just so you know for next time when the next poor woman who uh gets a date with you, that was not a turn on. He goes, Well, some people think it is, so that wasn't the first time he turned.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

No, I'm wondering what I'm gonna do. I'm wondering if I'm wondering if he's had any jail time since this incident.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

No, this is not a this is I'm a doctor and I can move as fast and I can do what I want, and you're gonna put up with it because I'm a catch, because I'm a doctor.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

All right, so you got baloney.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

That was my last doctor I ever dated, though. He turned me completely off. I was grossed out.

SPEAKER_04 21:22

I can understand. That's pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_02 21:25

Yeah, all right. So you got another we have time for your other quick okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:30

I'll tell you a very quick, funny story. We won't interrupt. You'll tell me if you think this is funny, okay? Okay, so I went, I went recently. I went away with my husband and my daughter, and we were um at an all inclusive resort. And um, on the first day, they went to the bar, like at the pool bar, you know, where you swim up to the bar. Okay. And the two of them were like exploring this big pool, whatever. And I was just sitting on my lounge chair, very excited to, you know, sit in the sun. And this like Beefed up little five foot four beefcake, uh who's who has permatan and has like, you know, all the muscles, probably steroids, walks by me and he gives me like the eyeballs, like, hey there, you know, as he walks by. And I'm like, you know, that's gross. You know, so I kind of like kind of grossed out, but I just blow it up.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

So you did the eye, you did the eye roll as he was no, you know what I did?

SPEAKER_03 22:24

I did like the um slightly nauseated face, you know that face? Yeah, like ew, you're grossing me out. Yeah, yeah. So he must have been a little too intoxicated to pick up on on that. So anyway, I my husband and my daughter come back and I tell them the story, and they're like, ew, he's gross. Which one is he? And I'm like, I don't know. He's standing over there somewhere. Anyway, so um they decide they're gonna go look at this water park that they had at the resort. And I said, All right, no problem. So I'm sitting on the chair, and it's about, I don't know, an hour and a half later, because they went for a while, and um he comes back and he I take off my my music in my ears because I'm like, I want to hear what he says. So he's walking with he's walking with this other guy, and he goes, Hey, kitty kitty, and I look at him like you are a disgusting pig, you horrible pig, dirty, dirty man, right? And I give him the dirtiest look right to his face, like you're disgusting, and right from underneath my chair comes out. A cat ran out, a cat ran out. I see the cat, I realize that he's talking to the cat. I look at him and he laughs at me like that. Oh my god, he laughed. He laughs like a dog, like crazy. I'm dying. I just look down. I'm like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. So embarrassed. It was an SNL skit. That's all I have to tell you. It played out like SNL, SNL. I wanted to jump.

SPEAKER_04 24:01

Yeah, I mean, really, like I think a lot of us would have been like, okay, what? What did you just say to me?

SPEAKER_03 24:07

And he really said it looking at me, but of course the pussy cat was right underneath my feet.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Again, it could, it could have been worse. He could have walked by and be like, I looked under your chair and been like, I like that pussy. And you'd be like, No.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Oh, Clinton Mars. That would have been worse, Tim. You are correct.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

So it's amazing, no matter how creepy or weird your stories are, they could always be worse.

SPEAKER_03 24:32

They could have but it was it was that, you know, I'm gonna say that a lot of women have had one of those moments, you know, those moments where you think someone is I don't know, whatever.

SPEAKER_05 24:43

This guy's dirty, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

And I'm like, you dirty pig. And then I, of course, realized that he's not even talking to me. And then I told my my husband and my daughter, and they both were laughing so hard they were crying. Yes, because it was it was and guess what? My husband did the rest of the trip. Meow. He kept calling me kitty kitty. Yep, hey kitty kitty, do you want to go for dinner?

SPEAKER_02 25:08

Hey kitty kitty.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

So that's my story. I love you.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Thanks, Lisa Rockwell.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Way better than the doctor. Okay, I know. I told you.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

Thanks, guys. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming, Lisa. Bye. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Cool. So, so uh yeah, we we might have a production disaster because we just couldn't get uh Lisa Rockwell to the same lunch from her microphone. So we'll see if I can fix that.

SPEAKER_04 25:37

I think you can fix it.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

I think so.

SPEAKER_04 25:40

Don't worry. I thought you were telling me to back up again. I was like, No, I didn't want to pause the recording again and be like, excuse me. Yeah, she's gonna be like, you're being mean to me.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

You made me do the production. Hold on, take two.

SPEAKER_04 25:57

No, no, no. We've got lots of editing tools, and we have are heavy with production here. It'll be easy to fix.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

It'll be fine. Uh either that or we can just have our listeners have their hand on the volume knobs in their cars. Go up and up and down, up and down, up and down.

SPEAKER_04 26:11

Just like the popcorn stories.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

The popcorn, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 26:15

Why did she go to his house? Why did she go to his house? He is such a jerk. You know why? Because he's a doctor. Oh my god, I hate doctors.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Well, because it sounds like Lisa Rockwell is a very trusting soul. That even after that like horrible act, lewd and lavacious act in public, she's kind of like, you know, I think.

SPEAKER_04 26:33

He hasn't even kissed her yet. And he's and he's wow.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:39

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

I didn't, I had no idea she was dating Pee-Wee Harmon.

SPEAKER_04 26:44

Aww, did you see that documentary? Watch the new documentary. It's so good. It is. I love him.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

I did see it actually.

SPEAKER_04 26:52

Yeah, he's he's a funny guy. And look, he's forgiven. I forgive him for his inappropriate.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

But do you know that Lisa Rockwell is the episode two is our most listened to episode?

SPEAKER_04 27:05

What was her doctor? What was her story then?

SPEAKER_02 27:07

That was she met went on a date, episode two, she went on a date with somebody people remember, and she accidentally kicked his prosthetic leg off on the table.

SPEAKER_05 27:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Yeah, so then he freaked out. She had no idea he had a fake leg. And then he demanded her to put it back on for him, and she was like, no, like what do you do in the morning? Like when you have to put it on yourself. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

Oh my god. Well, look at her standing up for the handy capable, because we don't we don't use those words anymore.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

She's had such a she's I'm I'm glad she's happily married now because uh she's had such bad, bad.

SPEAKER_04 27:48

She's got some great stories, though.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

She's got some great episodes. That's like.

SPEAKER_04 27:52

Look at what it's done to her. It's made her a nervous wreck, that guy saying, Hey, kitty kitty.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

She's jumped.

SPEAKER_04 27:58

Lisa Rockwell's got a great name, too. That's a great name.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

It's a Rockwell.

SPEAKER_04 28:03

Rockwell. Lisa Rockwell.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Norman Rockwell, the singer Rockwell.

SPEAKER_04 28:07

Oh yes. What was that famous? What was his big song?

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Somebody's Knews That Somebody's Watching Me.

SPEAKER_04 28:13

Watching me. I always feel like somebody's watching me.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Yeah, and it's got Michael Jackson.

SPEAKER_04 28:19

When they get the new pet in the seat. Yeah, now I remember it. I got it.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

Speaking of Lewt and Levacious Acts, I don't want to get all bummed people out, but there's a new like rock movie documentary on Michael Jackson, and they leave I think they leave out all of the legal stuff that he had. It's sort of like a fan, a fanboy movie, is what I think. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 28:40

I think I I'm sure it was produced by people who don't believe the story because they're on the side of the street.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

Yeah, so I'm certainly not gonna I don't think I'm gonna watch. Donate.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

It's kind of tricky. I was just having a conversation with somebody else today about how so many of our heroes who have developed art that was admirable, but we can can we admire the art anymore? Are we allowed to admire the art if the artist has turned out to be a bad guy? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

So that's the whole thing. That's the whole woke conversation. Like are you going to eliminate, are you going to erase?

SPEAKER_04 29:16

No, I I don't think that is woke. I'm a feminist, I'm woke. But but I do feel like we can be open to that conversation. In fact, I don't like how the right took that word and something. Yeah, they turned it into something that's not true. It's just because you take up for people or care about people's rights doesn't mean you're just changed the word, just like they changed feminists in the wrong. I'm taking feminists back and I'm taking woke back.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Take it back.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

I'm taking the back.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

I'm taking patriotism back.

SPEAKER_04 29:45

But uh, yeah, and we're gonna take the flag and everything. You can be on the left too. All sides. That's the whole purpose of my own. Yeah, I can be on the left.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

I can wear a flag on my lapel. It doesn't mean I'm a a right winger.

SPEAKER_04 29:57

I know, right? You get to be all things here, damn it. But yes, I was wondering if I so look at me triggered by the word woke. Um I'm sorry, Tim. I want I I do think it's an interesting conversation. Like, are we allowed to admire the art? Does the art not is it no longer good? Because I can listen to off the wall and tell you that you got some good songs in there.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

I mean, I think it depends on who you're talking to. And I hate to hate to say that. Like, is someone else going to be offended if you like off the wall or if you like Woody Allen movies?

SPEAKER_04 30:36

And oh, there's another one, right? Yeah, like isn't it's tricky.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

So do we I I think that we have to silently and quietly enjoy them ourselves these days.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

Secretly cleaning the house to can't don't stop till you get in a dingh.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Anyway, that was a fabulous, fabulous, fabulous.

SPEAKER_04 30:58

Yes, the very fun story from Lisa. Exactly. Once it gets in your head, it's not gonna go away. Oh shit. All right, go have a nice week.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Well, actually, I got a lot of laughs at the theater because the the movie preview was the Michael Jackson movie, and the second the preview ended, I went hee hee, and the whole theater just laughed.

SPEAKER_04 31:19

I would have laughed too. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

All righty. All right. We'll see you. We'll see you soon. See you next week.

SPEAKER_04 31:27

See you next week. Thanks for listening.