DEAN AND DAWES: More Body Part Disasters

Guest: Chef Peter Maffei

Hosted by: Jackie Dawes and Timothy Gager

To appear on the podcast, buy an advertisement or give listener feedback to email thetwodeans@gmail.com or deananddawespodcast@gmail.com Join the Facebook Group: Fans or Listeners of Dean and Dawes or Text Us through the app you listen to the podcast from

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Show notes

1) Dating: Karaoke vs. Slam Poetry

2) The Boo App https://boo.world/ and

 Facebook Dating App https://www.facebook.com/dating

3) Dating and Practical Jokes

4) Seasonal Relationships—Spring Hookups

5) Aspartame Daddies gig in March in Ardmore. On You Tube

6) Listener Feedback: Downloads increased by 3 times in last 3 months.

7) Voicemail Option for Feedback

8) APP TIME-“Role Play App”

Jackie Dawes is a Teacher, writer, ADHD survivor, Imposter …somewhere Ms. Kursman is laughing hysterically.

Timothy “Dean” Gager has published 20 books of fiction and poetry, which includes his latest novel, The Shadows of the Seen, forthcoming with Pierian Springs Press in 2025. He hosted the successful Dire Literary Series in Cambridge, MA from 2001 to 2018, and started a weekly virtual series in 2020. He has had over 1000 works of fiction and poetry published, 18 nominations for the Pushcart Prize. His work also has been nominated twice for a Massachusetts Book Award, The Best of the Web, The Best Small Fictions Anthology and has been read on National Public Radio. 

 The 2 Deans produced by Timothy Gager

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

If you want MERCH. Dean and Dawes Sweatshirts ($45), and t-shirts ($30)

 The 2 Deans produced by The Oddball Foundation

Theme song and App Time Jingle written and performed by Delaware’s Aspartame Daddies

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everyone, this is Brian O'Neill here in beautiful Florida Keys, and you're listening to the two Deans, Dating, Dread, and Disasters. What I really want to ask you all is when's the last time you had a date in this town?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

The calling podcast are the opinions and satire of Dean.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

And Dean. And maybe some truth.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And in no way represents the opinions. And lack of satire of anyone else but ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

But the people might be true. The story you're about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Recording is in progress. Season two, episode three.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

Dun dun dun dun dun.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

So now I can keep track of the actual seasons and episodes because it's early in the season, and then the listeners can't yell at me for saying the wrong like.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

No, you got a do-over now. It's a mulligan or whatever that's called.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

So it's easy for three. And we do have a guest this last. The one that dropped on Sunday didn't have a guest. The one that just dropped that you all heard had a guest. So two weeks in a row with a guest.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Oh, look at us.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

And this is the first returning guest for season two from season one.

SPEAKER_03 1:35

Woohoo. This one you've arranged all. This is an interesting story.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

And it was the most gruesome season. He gave us the most gruesome story. People lost body parts. It was horrible.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

That was the first story, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Yes. Well, we can tell it again. I mean, I don't know. Of course, they didn't have any more body parts to lose.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Hands in the Hobart. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

And then they lost their second arm and their third leg.

SPEAKER_04 2:01

No, I don't want to get the second arm. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

So that was that was pretty gruesome. So this one is funny and it won't be as gruesome. We'll have we'll have Chef Peter on again soon for this restaurant disaster. But this isn't even a restaurant disaster. It's just a disaster.

SPEAKER_03 2:15

It's kind of a sneaky yucky disaster.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Yeah, and last time I made a mistake about calling it kitchen disaster. So like Gordon Ramsay called the show and said, You can't use it. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up that name. You like my Gordon Ramsay impression?

SPEAKER_03 2:32

That's your Gordon Ramsay. I'm like, he doesn't sound British. The meat is bad.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

Smell it! Smell it!

SPEAKER_03 2:38

He doesn't sound British when you do it at all.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Well, you know what? When I get angry, I can't do my British accent.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

I see. Alright. I apologize. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Oh, this is not on the sheet, but um, dating, which is more fun or less fun to take to be on a date with?

SPEAKER_03 2:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Uh karaoke night or slam poetry night.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

Which one's more fun? Karaoke's more fun.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

You do that, okay. For some karaoke.

SPEAKER_03 3:06

I mean, I've never actually done karaoke, but if I were to choose between the two, I would choose karaoke.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

What would you sing?

SPEAKER_03 3:15

Everything.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

Okay, everything.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

I already kind of do sing everything. I I would want it to be something.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

This show is kind of karaoke. We break into showing.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Yeah, and this is my version of karaoke. I would um I don't know what I would sing. Probably something from a musical just to be really obnoxious.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Yeah, well, you know what? As a non-drinker in recovery, in the same week, I had to go to karaoke and a slam podi event, and I still didn't drink. So it was a really a test of the state.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Were those dates?

SPEAKER_02 3:45

No, they weren't. One was a memorial for a poet, and one was a work thing.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

Oh. Yeah, those sound like that. Both of those sound rough, nothing.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Yeah, I mean, for karaoke, it was the most drear mentally for me, it was the most dreary slam poetry, karaoke evenings.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Yeah, one's a memorial. A memorial slam poetry is interesting. It uh okay. I'm gonna go all right.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

So here's a dating app for creative folks that I just found. It's not a fake one. We didn't invent it. It's called Boo.

SPEAKER_04 4:17

Boo who.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

It's for creative folks. Now look, I've joined dating apps before, and nothing has happened. And then right before your payments end, they're about to expire, suddenly you get contacted with by people.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Oh, yeah, all of a sudden your true love is there before the 999 runs out. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

So I I tried boo out just for your shits and giggles, and uh it was amazing in the very beginning. All of these women, plethors of women are contacting me. Oh, and then a couple were scammers, so they disappeared. And then some stopped messaging, and then after that initial buzz, nothing. So they're doing it differently. Yeah, yeah, they're doing it differently.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Okay, so they're not, Drew. They're giving you everything ahead, and then they're going, no.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

Yeah, they're giving you fake people that are interested in you first instead of last.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

You know what's interesting is I um on Facebook, you know they have a matchmaking thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:20

Make me a match.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

No, there's like a dating app on on Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Face me a face, match me a match. Never mind.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

Face me a match, matchmaker, matchmaker. Okay. What I'm saying is I I don't belong to it. But I but you can click a button and and you do without knowing. And I have three matches on there, but I've never I I've I don't know how I matched them.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

You probably clicked something.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

How did I match with somebody that I didn't I didn't like or something? But I I don't know. In any case, it's interesting because all three of them are very good looking.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Do you think Oh it could be a fake to get you interested? So then you sign up to see what mess what good looking messages they had for you?

SPEAKER_03 6:03

I I didn't know. Yeah, I sent a message saying I I I'm ignoring because I had been ignoring it, and the person keeps sending a hello, and I I said, listen, I I didn't sign up for this, so I'm ignoring this because you're probably a robot or perhaps a serial dealer.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

You know how you can tell that it's a a real person?

SPEAKER_03 6:20

How can you tell?

SPEAKER_02 6:21

If they send you a picture of their penis, it's a real person, there's no way they would program that.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

So you're telling me that these people are not real? But what is this guy's name? So Gil is fake?

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Gil.

SPEAKER_03 6:39

Gil, his name is I have these matches, and I never do these things, so it's kind of exciting.

SPEAKER_02 6:44

They might be real, but they might be just looking for you to sign up to this. But it's free, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:50

Yeah, I think it's free. I mean, I haven't done anything to deserve it or earn it or pay for it.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Oh, have fun with Gil.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

Gil, I'm gonna do it. Yeah, see, on your Facebook, there's like a dating button.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

And does it tell the world that you activated it? Because that could be.

SPEAKER_03 7:05

No, it says for me to start matching, but I've got three matches. How can I start matching if I have three matches? I have Andy and Gil and Craig. And they're so cute.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

They're such generic names.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

I'm telling you, but these guys they're adorable. And I I just don't want to I don't wanna I don't want to talk to them, but I do think it's funny. Okay, that's my dating, that's my dating information for the week, huh?

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Repeat after me.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Okay, I'm repeating.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

Dear Facebook.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

Dear Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

I am not a sucker.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

Oh, I'm not a sucker.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Alright, so alright. You're good now.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

So you're saying Gil isn't real. No. I was just about to send him my checking account information.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Alright, let's move on so we can get Peter on in good time. So, alright, we're recording this on April 7th, and it's gonna drop in a couple weeks. So it will seem untimely, but for in real time, it's timely. Alright, we just had April Fool's Day.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

We did.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

So everyone agrees that for a possible relationship, humor is good. Humor is great.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Humor is key. Very important, very important.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

What about practical jokes?

SPEAKER_03 8:18

No.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

No, I I don't I don't think so. I don't find that I mean it's not romantic.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

Like I mean, Gil could be a practical joke.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Gil, but Gil might be a practical joke. But I'm thinking, I have not invested so much in that, and that's okay. But if I'm liking you and you do a practical joke, you're delicate. That's delicate.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

It could be like bullying in a lot of ways.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

It could be, and you better make sure that that person has got the same kind of sense of humor as you are, because if you play a practical joke on the person that you like and it doesn't I mean, I don't know. I uh I don't know. Yeah, a lot of practical jokes aren't really very funny, it's just somebody wants to do something mean, and if they like it.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

I practical joked my entire office and it wasn't mean. So uh so uh the our administrative assistant, she sits kind of in a cubicle with us. She doesn't have her own desk because you know we don't answer phones anymore. So on April Fool's Day, I went to the printer using our our letter head, and I just wrote, come see me with her name, and I put it on everyone else's desk.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Oh, that's fine. So we just keep going.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

We're all circling around.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

But see, that's a nice that's a practical joke that is sweet. Okay, that's cute.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

So they all knew it was me. So then I was meeting with my boss, uh, and then when that supervision was over, I was supposed to log into a Zoom meeting and then a very important meeting.

SPEAKER_05 9:45

I thought extremely important.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

And so while I was away, someone lifted up one of the keys on the keyboard of my computer and taped it down. So when I tried to log into my computer, it just filled with that letter and I couldn't get into the computer. And I was like late for this meeting.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

I was like, I was like, was it a real meeting? Like, did you know? Yeah, yeah. I was like, I couldn't log in.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Because the pastor was just kept filling the letters.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

See, that's a practical joke that's not nice if you're gonna get in trouble with work. You actually're kind of funny.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

And I had to show a good face. I couldn't like be like pissed off because I just practical joked the entire office earlier. So I had to be a good So I was like, ha ha ha you guys, I can't log on to the page.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Yeah, but what if it was a meeting? Because, you know, when you're late for a meeting, it can freak out.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

So it went from you guys to hey you guys, I got you know a meeting coming to finally like, hey you fucking assholes! I'm late for a meeting.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

So that's that was the progression of that.

SPEAKER_03 10:43

Yeah, well, see, you didn't like the practical joke. So maybe I don't know. I don't think dating and practical jokes go well.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

No, I I agree.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

I'm gonna say hold.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

It's somebody it's just something like maybe like a friend you practical joke.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Yeah, even my friends will get mad at me if I do practical jokes. I I can think of a couple that I've done that that didn't go well. Hi Jennifer, I hope you're listening.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

All right. Spring is happening on the East Coast, it's actually warming up a little bit. So um, seasonal relationships. I can think spring is kind of a hooking up and seeing if it's gonna go through the summer.

SPEAKER_03 11:20

Okay. I think spring is yeah, everything is reborn, everything is fresh and new. Yeah. True love, spring. Love is in the air, isn't that a thing?

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Yeah, it is. And then summertime happens and then they just it's a summer thing and then it's over.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

I mean it's uh you you say in the fall everybody breaks out of it.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Yeah, in the fall it's getting cold. It kind of they they make that decisions, you know. It's fun going to the beach or maybe kayaking, but like I don't want to hang out indoors with this.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

I don't want to have to spend Thanksgiving and Halloween with you. I mean, and then I'd have Christmas, I'd have to buy you a present. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Like, yeah, leading into the holiday season, so yeah, so spring is like for spring is for hooking up.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

That's Spring and summer are fun to hook up, fall, no, no good. Gotta let them go. Okay. I don't I don't know how that works for dating, but I get what you're saying. Maybe we can get to the show. I actually used to always break up. I used to break up with boys always on March 17th. So St. Patty's Day was always a breakup day for me. So spring did not work out at that point.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

What does your therapist say about that day?

SPEAKER_03 12:25

I don't know. I never asked really. I just figured that was just a day that I have breakups. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

Okay, a couple more quickies. Uh shout out to the Aspirtame Daddies, or uh the folks that supply the uh app time and our theme song. They had a gig June the 5th. So there's 10 minutes of it on YouTube. Look it up, give them a shout out, tell them that in the comments you we sent you.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

June 5th, where are they gonna be? Wait, it's it You said June 5th.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Oh, did I just screw it up? I uh I looked it up on YouTube. Maybe that was last year's that I saw.

SPEAKER_03 13:03

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

But they did just have a gig in Delaware, so. Oh Pennsylvania.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

But is there's we're not we're not kind of cueing people to go hang out with them, right, coming up in anytime soon, kind of thing?

SPEAKER_02 13:15

Yeah, there was one uh yeah, there they did play June 5th, 2025. Oh, here's one at the Nell in Ardmore PA, March 26th. I knew it was there.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

But we missed that one too. All we're saying is go and look at it on YouTube.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Look at it on YouTube.

SPEAKER_03 13:29

Oh, okay. So go enjoy it on YouTube, but why don't we just say when they're gonna be coming up?

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Because they don't have a lot of gigs. That's it. That's it for a while.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

We're really good at being kind to our friends and oh my god, well, no, that's true. I'm just being honest.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Oh, what's coming up on the schedule, Aspertain Dallas? Absolutely nothing. We got nothing happening.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

All right, if that's what they're saying, that's good. Maybe somebody will hire them. Maybe someone will hear this and go, wait, come hang out at our place.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Best listener feedback of all time.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

Oh, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

We have we have three times the amount of downloads recently.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

Oh, bam, look at us.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Thank you, fans. Little Dean.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Thanks, guys.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

And we got an email that said, good show that opens season two, which is the one they just heard. Looking forward to some guests. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

Okay, we're gonna work that out for you. That's good.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

And we've got another option that you can torture us with your feedback.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

Uh-oh. What's the oh, is this the voice thing?

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Yeah, you can now voice your opinion with a voicemail option. I think I don't know if you have to listen to it on Buzz Sprout, the originator of the feed, and do it, or if it's gonna show up on the other carriers like Spotify or whatnot. But I'm sure.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Yeah, how will we hear it?

SPEAKER_02 14:51

I'll have more information next week. If you really want to torture us.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

We'll even play it on air, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:58

That would be great. We'll play it on air.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

I know, it'll be exciting. We'll be like, we're gonna rate the messages that you give us. We'll like that.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Even if it's you know, if it's clean or whatnot, we'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

I don't think there's a real rating system for podcasts, right? We can say all the words we want, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Oh, I'm ready to connect with the the app time jingle, except it disappeared because we were yammering.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

Well, we can sing. Let's sing the app time jingle.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

No, I'm just kidding. I was kidding. Play the time.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

I'll do the music and you can do you can do the you can do the voiceover, okay.

SPEAKER_03 15:30

I don't remember the words. I always just go, app time.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Do you want to do it? All right.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

I don't really know the song.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Alright, you ready? This this is this is actually us doing it. Are you ready?

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Go.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

It didn't play. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

Oh no, let's just do a drum roll. Oh, I like her talking to us. What is she saying?

SPEAKER_02 15:52

It it's playing. I have to it's a ready. I mean it's playing, but it's a big one. Oh, you're so fun, you're so funny.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

Twizz, twiz. Look at us.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

No, I had it all queued up.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

That wasn't bad. That wasn't bad. Let's hear our great app. We're gonna make everybody some money.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

All right. This app is a this is a this isn't a great app. It's called Role Play. It's the role play.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

Sounds dirty. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

It could be. I mean, this is for people that want to hook up in the springtime. That someone puts the role on their on their uh profile, they put the role that they're going to play. Okay, and the person answers what they're going to do with that role. So, like, say it's like uh teacher student role play, boss employee role play. Like, I'm the boss, I'm the employee. If you if both people want to be the boss, it won't work.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Won't work. You're not a match. So they match up based on the roles that they choose, and they get to see the person and what they look like and like be like, okay, yeah, this works. Personally, are we swiping? How's this working for these people?

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Um, it's not a s it's may or may not be a swipe thing. You sp you swipe to accept their role, and then you have to write the message in. It could the messages could be really kind of out there, is what I think.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Yeah, imagine this would be interesting. Have you ever done role play with somebody?

SPEAKER_02 17:18

I never done it. It's not my thing, but I'm gonna actually, me and my person is decided to do some on Saturday, and I won't tell what it is because it if you say it out loud, it just seems weird. So and it's not all that weird. It's not all that weird as well.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

If you say it out loud, it just sounds weird. It's so is it gonna be like where you're gonna um like like when in the movies where they both show up at a bar and each person's playing a certain role? And then like you follow each other home, or is it gonna be something at the house? Is it gonna be something in your house where someone shows up like they're a delivery person?

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Yeah, so you've you've done this before.

SPEAKER_03 17:57

No, I've never done roleplay to particulars. I've just watched a lot of TV. I thought there's an episode of girls and they do it, and there's there's a whole bunch of them.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Yeah, and like in fact, like very common.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

I think all porn is based on that.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

All porn is roleplay, obviously, because that's not their real lives.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

No.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

So, yeah, so it's so I won't say out loud what we're going to do because it will just sound like porn and then it'll be icky. So that's it.

SPEAKER_03 18:24

Okay, so don't tell us, but you're gonna try it and then you're gonna you're gonna give us a next week.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

I will tell people how it turned out.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

Yeah, like are you gonna keep a straight face? Are you gonna be able to do it?

SPEAKER_02 18:34

I well, we said no laughing because that would ruin the vibe. But we also said that we also as anticipatory, we describe the things within the roles that they you would like and not like. So we're ready.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Did you have a safety word or anything?

SPEAKER_02 18:49

A safety word? Yeah, it's it's stop.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

You're smart as well. I just have a safety word with knock it off. I have a safety word for if I'm out on a date with and my friends contact me and I need help. I'm like, oh, here's the word, here's the word. And so I I do have a safety word.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

But you have attention deficit disorder, so someone could be telling you their safe word and you have no idea what it is.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

I would save my friends. I would know.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

So, do you remember in Portla Portlandia their safe word was cacao?

SPEAKER_04 19:20

No, cacao?

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:22

No, I don't I don't remember that.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

One of the funniest episodes. But anyway, let's bring our speaking of uh Oh, that's right!

SPEAKER_03 19:29

It's oh we're finished app time. We need to bring in Peter.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Yeah, let's bring in Peter, our guest. It's Jeff Peter from episode 27, season one. How are you, Peter?

SPEAKER_01 19:40

I am fantastic. How are you guys?

unknown 19:44

We're good.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

All right, well, first of all, I just before we get before I tell you, uh if you break up to somebody on uh Patrick's Day and their name is Aaron, you can say Aaron, go fuck yourself. There we go.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

Can I can I can I can I ask why? Because I'm so dense that I I can't.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Aaron Go Bra. You're not like Aaron Go Bra. No. I guess I guess the joke did land. Never mind. Whatever. See?

SPEAKER_03 20:10

No, people everywhere right now in their cars are laughing. They're listening and laughing, going, Jackie's so dumb.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

That joke was a that joke was a fucking disaster. Okay. Master stand. There you go. Done. That's it. That's it. My cool. It was so good.

SPEAKER_05 20:23

It was so good.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Yeah. All right, I don't even know where we're talking about. So, okay, so I have a disaster for you. Uh it's not definitely not as bad as last time we talked. Like, people's well, body it does include body parts, but uh it's not, it's, it's, it does have a better ending. But I want to preface this all. So, like, there's there's like some backstory to kind of that piles up that makes the disaster even worse. Okay, so uh, you know, like I'm a chef, I've been doing this for a long time, but I've also been dealing with a herniated disc in my neck, which has been like just a pain, like just when I say pain, it's like a pain, it's terrible. Uh it's just haven't been able to sleep, and and anyway, so it it was very it was like a debilitating pain, really. From I would say like it, like from like June all the way through probably October. I was just deal I was just really dealing with it. And and you know, physical therapy, the whole thing. So, okay, I gotta preface that. Now, also have to preface it. I have a daughter, she's 18 years old. Actually, she just got to accept that she's gonna go to UT in uh September. So hook up. But anyway, awesome. But she also had torn her meniscus in her knee. Now, it wasn't something that needed like an immediate surgery, so we had planned surgery for the week before Thanksgiving break of school. So she would basically have two full weeks off to you know after surgery. Got it.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

So Oh, meniscus is a piece of cake. I got I got mine done in September. I was walking.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

Wait, wait, we lost you, Peter. We lost your sound.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

I walked down.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

We lost your sound, Peter.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

You're back, you're back, you're back.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Wait, can you hear me now? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

We can hear you now.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Okay. See, okay, now this is a disaster. Okay. So uh I'll preface this by saying uh, you know, all I wanted for my birthday that night was pizza. I wanted pizza, I wanted New York style pizza, and in Austin there is one place to go, and it's called Home Slice Pizza. It's about it's about like an hour.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

Right? Best pizza in the world, correct?

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Best pizza in the world, right? I tell everybody, like in Austin, like, hey, you want the best pizza? Like, you gotta go up that way and and make a right and go 2,000 miles east and you'll find it. But but there's one place in Austin's called Home Slice, and it's and it's really, really good. I mean, it's almost as good as actually, it's just as good as some some some mediocre stuff in in New York. Anyway, so I I go there, I set up, but I call my on the way home. I'm I'm talking to my father. He's like, Oh, happy birthday, how are you? And he's like, Hey, how's your neck, by the way? And I go, you know what, Dad? I said, today's like the first day. Like, I feel almost 100%. I don't have pain. Like, I can look at moving my neck. I just feel good. He's like, Oh, it's great. You're gonna have a great birthday. I go, I know I can smell the pizza. You move your neck around while you're chomping on pizza.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Like, whoa, it's fantastic, yeah. Right? So I'm like, you know, hey, this is this is gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

I'm gonna eat pizza. Then we're going out to a nice dinner the next night. Maybe I'll get laid, you know, the whole nine yards, right? I'm really excited. By your wife's birthday! Yes, yeah, but yes, yes, yes, for my wife. Why? Um, yes. Uh well, maybe myself too. Like, I don't know, you know, it just depends on the mood of the night. But so, okay, I come home, I put pizza, and my wife comes down. She's she's like, Oh, happy birthday, let's have pizza. And she goes, Hey, listen, she goes, the dogs have been driving. I have two dogs. She've been driving me crazy all day. They haven't gone out to pee. You just please, before you sit down and eat your pizza, please and go out to pee. So I was like, okay, no problem.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Even before the birthday celebration, the wife always has one more thing to do.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

Dogs need to come first.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

And after that, can you do the dishes and clean out the garage before pizza?

SPEAKER_01 24:07

It wasn't that bad, but I I I I felt that if I didn't take the dogs out, that was coming. So, so she opens the back door to our and I'm kind of standing there. I'm gonna go out and watch them to make sure they pee. And I hear a shriek. She goes, Oh my god, oh my god, there's a fucking snake. It's a snake, it's a snake. There's a fucking rattlesnake right by the back door. Now, the her first thought, let's grab the dogs, grab the dogs. Now, she's kind of she, I mean, she's kind of flaying. She was a lot more calm than I thought. I well, a lot more calm than I was. So she kind of gets the dogs and she's like, do something, do something. Okay, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

Is the rattlesnake on the porch? Is it on the back?

SPEAKER_01 24:50

So, like, I don't I don't really have a porch. Like, I just have a back door and I have like a slab of concrete, like you know, it's on the concrete. It's sitting right there, like huddled by the door. Where is it? Was it rattling? It wasn't rattling, but it was like curled up.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

And it immediately sucked. If this was a movie of your life, the damn thing would be rattling. Just saying. It probably would be.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

Okay, that's okay. So you so she's inside, the dogs have made it back in.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

So she has pulled them in. She's like in the process of pulling them in. And like, this is I mean, this is sound, this all happens within like a three-second period where she's like screaming to get the dogs in. And I'm I immediately so okay, I'm gonna do, I gotta do something about this snake. And I start like going towards the snake, and like the split second thing, what the fuck am I gonna do? So I have to do it.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

So you're not Peter, you're not originally from Texas, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Oh no, I'm from New York.

SPEAKER_02 25:49

So if you were, you would have a gun and you would just shoot the snake. Well, I I mean, I would snake? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

People, well, people kill people just thinking.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

People shoot the garbage man in Texas.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

Poor little snakes. Yes. Okay, wait, so if you're going at it not realizing it, because you're from New York, you're like, I'm just gonna beat the snake up. So you're going for the snake.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

And then I immediately, then I immediately remember that I'm fucking terrified of snakes and it's a rattlesnake. Right. And I stuck so I stop and I like I stop what I'm doing, and I'm like, I mean, when I say I'm like filling, I'm like shaking back and forth. I'm like, I can't, like, I like shift to the side. Do I go? Do I not? I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

Got it.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

And I finally just say, I'm gonna run to go grab a shovel in my garage, and I put my left foot down, yeah, and I pivot, and all of a sudden I heard what sounded like if you were to clap your hands really loud once.

SPEAKER_04 26:40

A snap.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

That's it. I crum, I crumble to the ground and I couldn't, like, I still didn't register. It didn't, nothing hurt. I like a ripped my shoe and sock off. Like I immediately did that, and I was like, holy fuck. I said, Oh my god, I ruptured my Achilles, I ruptured my Achilles, and I'm always like, all right, like stop being traumatic. Like, like, let's figure this out. Like, whatever, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

I would have thought the snake bit you, but okay, because well, but like again, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Like, I I at first I was, but I immediately grabbed my foot. So she helps me up and I stand up and I go to walk. And I'm like, I I can walk, but like my left foot just doesn't work. Like, I can't feel anything, and then it immediately turns like the brightest blood red you can think. Like that, like maroon, like when you like you know, just all the blood is rushing down to it. Cause like basically, my my Achilles snapped and like the visual. If you were to put two fingers, like your two index fingers together and just kind of go like that, and then like pull them apart, and like and then it like rolled up into my calf. So my calf is just kind of flopping. But I'm sitting there on my birthday, and I'm like, what the fuck? Now, my poor wife, who you know, bless her, bless her soul, but I mean, she's sitting on the she's sitting on the the stake. She's thinking, she's thinking to herself, like, oh my god. And I immediately uh I'm I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, you know, my career's over. I'm never gonna walk again. I'm being all dramatic. And I'm like, I'm kind of in tears. And she's like, well, like, what are we gonna do? I was like, I gotta go to the hospital. We should call 911. I said, don't call 911. I'll just we can drive there. And and she goes, Well, is there anything like you need? Like, what can I do? Are you in pain? I was like, Well, can you give me an ice pack? I'll put ice on it. I don't know, like maybe I can cure it. And and then so I'm sitting there, I have an ice pack, I have a ruptured Achilles, we're just both sitting there. What the hell do we do? She's like, I'm like, well, I guess I'll I'm gonna eat the pizza then, right? Like I'm sitting there, I might as well have the pizza. I mean, I ate Yeah, I ate, I ate like four slices of pizza. Um, and like, and by the way, like I didn't realize it until later, but um like I got pizza all over my chest, and like because I was just like I was just like sitting on the couch, like in shock, just completely in shock, thinking like, what am I supposed to do? I was supposed to travel like that. That was a it was a Friday.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

That is the definition of comfort food.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Oh, it by the way, it did comfort.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

I'm actually sitting here going, I'm gonna order a pizza the minute we get off the sky.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

I know if I ever have an injury, I mean it was it was good pizza. And then anyway, so long story short, is we end up going to the hospital, and I walk in and I'm like, I yeah, I ruptured my, I'm pretty sure I ruptured my Achilles. The nurse comes in, nurse she looks in, she goes, Okay, we'll get to the doctor. She goes, Yeah, you did. Like, nothing you can do. Here's some painkillers. We're gonna put a cast on you, go see your doctor, and I see the doctor on on Monday morning, and he looks at me and he goes, Yeah, you ruptured your Achilles. He's like, All right, you know, surgery it is, right? So um so the the the the to complete the disaster. My daughter, so you know that happened on November 7th. My daughter has surgery on November 15th, I have knee surgery on November 5th. I have my Achilles fit repaired on November 17th. So we have two two two people, members of our family who both can't walk. And then about five days later, my wife says, Man, I just don't feel good. Oh shit. My wife ends up getting a flu.

SPEAKER_05 30:11

Oh the whole house was it was like a it was a disaster.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Um, however, at the end of the everything who walked the dogs that night. The fucking dogs pissed on the floor that night.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Oh, it's you don't have a Finston yard, you've got a runaway snake. What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 30:32

Yeah, there was I wasn't, there was no way we saw the snake that next day, too. She saw them out, saw it outside, called to exterminate, like called our local exterminator, and he couldn't find them. He chased him away. We haven't seen this snake since. Again, like it's it's the snake's like, I did a good job here.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

Look at everything I missed.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Like, were you wary like inside the house?

SPEAKER_01 30:56

I mean, listen, if I opened the closet and I saw a snake, I would close it and I would never come back to this house. I would just leave. Exactly. And I would I would just call, I would call a realtor from the hotel and from a hotel, and I'd be like, listen, my house is for sale. You can come pick up the keys. It's it's an as is sale. I don't want anything in it. Maybe like my television or like a computer, like I don't need anything. I just yeah, fuck snakes. Um and and if you rupture your Achilles, you know, it is the worst. Like, I cannot think of like a more I think the biggest part of the disaster was like it's demoralizing. Like I you rupture your Achilles, like the only frame of reference that I ever had for anybody is like professional athletes. And you see, oh my god, they rupture your Achilles, and like they're done, like you know, for for months and months and months. And I mean, I think this is probably my penance, like, or this is what I get for uh, you know, I'm a Nick fan. So I definitely was not upset when Tatum and then Halliburton both ruptured their Achilles.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

I don't want to say I was necessarily cheering it, but I was this is my this is probably my penance for not being the ill, but not being conceptual.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

I mean, listen, I who actually, you know, like I don't even know why I'm trying to lie to you. Like when that's those guys went down, I was like, yeah, celebrated. Oh dear.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

Oh it was not the snake. It's not the snake.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was it was it was a fucking nightmare. It was a disaster. I mean, definitely not as bad as that a restaurant nightmare where somebody ends up losing a limb, but uh yeah, this one was it was it was awful. And I mean, I like you know, I'm what five months out, five months past surgery or almost six. Like I'm I'm doing or doing fine, you know. I'm probably like eight months away from being a hundred percent, but I mean, like just the emotionally, physically, the whole thing, like it was yeah, if you want to talk about disaster, that was that was a disaster.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Yeah, just putting your hand on your Achilles and imagining that snapping is so upsetting. I I can't messaging it.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

It's it's weird because I remember like I felt it. I don't even have like it's rupturing Achilles is just such a strange because I like I I I never really got to feel it when it was uh ruptured, except for when it actually happened, because otherwise it was in a cast the whole time. And like when I went to go feel it, I couldn't like you know, right now if you cut touch your foot and touch your Achilles, you could feel it. It feels like a bone. Yes, I couldn't feel it. It wasn't it wasn't there, it just wasn't just there, it just disappeared. Yikes, it just disappeared, yeah. And like even now, uh, you know, lots of physical therapy. But anyway, it's it's it's just what it is. But modern medicine is wonderful, and um, you know, uh I got my boot, I got my surgery, and so far, so good. I'm I'm I'm basically back to doing everything I possibly can do, except for I can't really run, but I'm uh, you know, a six foot four, you know, 290 pound 45-year-old man. I'm not doing a lot of running these days. So I've just pretty much decided that if it's a activity that involves leaving the ground, I'm not I'm not for it.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

Got it.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Peter, thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_03 34:06

That's an amazing story. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

Telling your story's hi, Chef Peter. Bye, guys.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

Damn, that sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

You know, there's that pizza sounds so good.

SPEAKER_03 34:18

What's the name of the pizza place that everybody goes to in in in New York City?

SPEAKER_02 34:22

It's is uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 34:25

It's like there's five of them now, but there's only one that you should go to. It's the one, it's the original, and it's it starts with an Oh my god. Damn it.

SPEAKER_02 34:33

Is that the name of a damn it pizza?

SPEAKER_03 34:35

No, it's a guy's name, but I'm telling you, it's the best. And now I don't know it. That's okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

Well, we'll look it up. Look it up and put it in the page.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

Look it up, and I'll send it to Chef Peter. All right. Bye, Chef Peter. Thanks. I feel bad. I can't remember the name. Tony.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

So we've had someone lose a a wooden leg on our show. We had someone lose an arm in a restaurant disaster.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

We did.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

And then someone snapped. Any any other bodily injuries besides this one?

SPEAKER_03 35:02

I feel like we have had some body other bodily injuries. I do.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Yeah. John's of Bleaker Street is the name of it. That's the one that Peter's recommending.

SPEAKER_03 35:13

Right, I know. Raise, is Rays a pizza place?

SPEAKER_02 35:15

Don't know. Everyone loves Place.

SPEAKER_03 35:17

Oh, I'm getting a thumbs down on Raise, but that is a one that do people say it's so great and it's not great?

SPEAKER_02 35:22

It's like Gino's cheesesteak in Philadelphia.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

I don't know. I'm gonna call I'm gonna remember what it is later. All right.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

So, yeah, that's good. Well, welcome uh, you know, to the end of episode three, season two. We did well. We did well for a Tuesday night. We had to record it on a Tuesday night instead of a Sunday, so I'm tired from work.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

I'm exhausted from working and then doing this, but we're good.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

We're good, and we had a good one, and see you all next.

SPEAKER_03 35:55

That's all, folks.